I am on the edge of an epiphany…I am not sure what is happening,
but I feel like there is a massive change coming…like the universe is roiling
and nothing is stable…things thought once unbreakable, are shattering under the
strain of chaos…my reality is skewed…earthquakes, death, and change…the future
is not indelible…balancing on a blade…moving ever forward, yet each step a
bloody mess…pain an ever-present companion…unwelcome…a reminder that I am alive…I
struggle…I fear…afraid to succeed…afraid to fail…I stand…hide my face…cover my
shame…guilt rides me…why me…why not…happy sadness and sad happiness…I mourn a
life…yet I live…decisions made bad…stagnant…I can’t stop…looking for my what if…I
weep…it yells to me…coloring the past in shades of never…disrupting the future
of potentiality…sarcastic laughter…mountains of anguish…I miss who I will be…what
is now…what was…tomorrow as yesterday…I write…I bleed…I exist…I allow nothing…darkness
written in the blood of time…as seconds pass years…without purpose and reason…pictures
flash in my mind…impossible…chaotic and ordered…rhythmic yet dissonant…a
pattern…emerging silent…skewed…icy and unfeeling…distant…dense…eating my soul…I
touch nothing…unwilling I move…dragged…I grasp…I gasp…I sigh…resignation etched
into acquiescence…I look for a word…I look forward…I look back…invalid…used…coexisting
with…without…broken…how…naked…solitary…complicit… aching…screaming in symbols…painted
with tears… imagery lost…familiar…alien…stolen…passion…understand? I thought not…
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