missing mom

Tonight while sitting at my Mac, I smelled my mom.   That smell that is exclusive to YOUR mom.  That comforting, all in the world is safe, I love you smell.  I know that emotion is cemented with the senses of smell and sound...so am I imagining it or is it real?  I feel like it is real...why??  Because my mom was the type to want to know that all was well and she never believed a phone call...she had to see that all was ok...I miss her terribly...last week I cried...for the first time since her death...I mean I really cried the soul wrenching song of despair...I know she is better off...that changes nothing about how I feel...she was my champion...she was the one that embraced my differences and taught me to as well...despite the negative feedback from my father, I owe that to mom...she made me love myself for who I am...regardless what anyone else thought...There was a time not too long ago, when I got my mom to go watch the 4th of July fireworks...she really did not feel like it, but did for me and ended up really enjoying herself...I will miss times like that...the music, the festive atmosphere, the warmth...she loved...As I sit here writing this, I am teetering on tears...tears for the loss and tears for the memories...I remember her coming to my apartment a couple weeks before she died, and had dinner with me...I made corn chowder and cornbread...she loved my cornbread...wanted it every meal...every time i make it, I set aside a small piece for her...eventually I will be ok...someday I will not get emotional everytime I think of her or smell that smell that is MOM.